There are many ideas about why people should get married; Scripture even mentions more than one reason. Some recent publications suggest that marrying for love is a bad idea. Explore this idea using Internet resources and the Bible to articulate your point of view on this subject.
Response
Recent publications have suggested that marrying for love or only for love is a bad idea. For example, Susan Gadoua suggests that marrying only for love is dangerous because the emotion of love changes, love does not provide a strong foundation, and love is not all that you need.[1] Ted Huston provides support for Gadoua’s argument by summarizing a 13-year longitudinal study in the United States that confirms that people who say they marry for love “are prone to divorce when love dissipates.”[2] Finally, Stephanie Coontz recognizes that, historically, marriage was more about in-laws and labor force rather than about individual needs of a man or woman.[3] Without question, in certain psychological and sociological circles, love has fallen out of favor as a primary reason for people to get married.
Scripture addresses several reasons for marriage, which extend back to the book of Genesis. First, in Genesis 2:18 God asserts that man needs companionship and should not be alone. The Prepare Enrich program highlights the importance of companionship by evaluating factors such as communication, conflict resolution, leisure activities, and relationship roles.[4] God also told man and woman in Genesis 1:28 to “be fruitful and multiply” (New American Standard Bible). Accordingly, a second reason for marriage is procreation. Third, the Song of Solomon makes clear that the physical union between a man and wife brings pleasure. Although not a comprehensive list, three biblical reasons for marriage include companionship, procreation, and pleasure.
Ephesians: (A Paragraph-by-Paragraph Exegetical Evangelical Bible Commentary – BECNT) (Baker Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament)
Paul writes in his letter to the Ephesians, “He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:28-31, emphasis mine). Frank Thielman comments on the passage by suggesting that God instituted marriage for the same reason that Christ relates to the church.[5] Thielman continues by explaining that the union of marriage is built on a husband “who imitates the self-sacrificial, nurturing, and supporting roles that Christ fills with respect to the church.”[6] Accordingly, although potential byproducts, the primary reason for marriage is not a feeling of love, companionship, procreation, or pleasure. Instead, as divine imagers, the primary reason for marriage is for individuals to learn to sacrifice, support, and nurture a partner by becoming more like Christ while living in union with another individual.
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[1] Susan Pease Gadoua, “3 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Marry for Love Alone,” Psychology Today, November 17, 2013, accessed November 3, 2018, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/contemplating-divorce/201311/3-reasons-why-you-shouldnt-marry-love-alone.
[2] Ted L. Huston, “What’s love Got Do with It?: Why Some Marriages Succeed and Others Fail,” Personal Relationships, 2009, 322.
[3] Stephanie Coontz, “The Radical Idea of Marrying for Love,” in Sociology: Exploring the Architecture of Everyday Life, ed. David M. Newman and Jodi O’Brien, 7th ed. (Los Angeles: Pine Forge, 2008), 158.
[4] Prepare-Enrich, Facilitator’s Manual, (Life Innovations, Inc., n.d.), 17, accessed November 3, 2018, http://www.prepare-enrich.com/prepare_enrich_content/training/facilitators_manual.pdf.
[5] Frank Thielman, Ephesians (Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 2010), 389.
[6] Ibid., 379.
Bibliography
- Coontz, Stephanie. “The Radical Idea of Marrying for Love.” In Sociology: Exploring the Architecture of Everyday Life, edited by David M. Newman and Jodi O’Brien. 7th ed. Los Angeles: Pine Forge, 2008.
- Prepare-Enrich. Facilitator’s Manual. Life Innovations, Inc., n.d. Accessed November 3, 2018. http://www.prepare-enrich.com/prepare_enrich_content/training/facilitators_manual.pdf.
- Gadoua, Susan P. “3 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Marry for Love Alone.” Psychology Today. November 17, 2013. Accessed November 3, 2018. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/contemplating-divorce/201311/3-reasons-why-you-shouldnt-marry-love-alone.
- Huston, Ted L. “What’s love Got Do with It? Why Some Marriages Succeed and Others Fail.” Personal Relationships, 2009, 301–27.
- Thielman, Frank. Ephesians. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 2010.
