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LONELY FOREVER
When working with others on helping them cope with negative emotions, it is important to engage them with four very important steps. Utilizing the Thoughts, Emotions, and Actions (TEA) philosophy, you can help others identify and change unhealthy thought patterns that are affecting their emotions, and ultimately their actions.
When you are sitting down with someone and they are engaging with you about their emotions or actions, the first step in helping them is to identify the unhealthy emotion that they are contending with. It could be one of many emotions. The key here is to gauge one’s spiritual temperature and if unhealthy emotions are flaring, one’s spiritual temperature is most assuredly affected.
Once the unhealthy emotion is identified, the next step is to identify the thought or thoughts behind the emotion.
Let’s take the unhealthy emotion of fear for example. Once you’ve identified the emotion, ask questions to gauge the thoughts behind that emotion. For example sake, let’s take three thoughts that people have that lead them to fear.
“I’m afraid of losing my parents.”
“I’m afraid of being powerless.”
“I’m afraid my kids will like my ex’s boyfriend better than me.”
With the statement, “I’m afraid of losing my parents,” the thought is, “I’m going to lose my parents.” It may also be a little deeper than this. If it’s a young individual, perhaps the thought is, “I won’t be able to support myself without my parents.”
Now the thought, “I’m going to lose my parents” does not necessarily need to invoke fear in someone. We all lose our parents at some point in our lives. The key is to look for the deception in the thought.
With the statement, “I’m afraid of being powerless,” the thought is, “I’m going to be powerless or I am powerless.” This is like an all or nothing deception. Some things we are powerless over and some we are not. It will take some questioning to discover why the person feels so powerless over situations or life in general.
With the thought, “I’m afraid my kids will like my ex’s boyfriend better than me,” it could mean that a person is struggling with insecurity. Dig for something in the statement that is not necessarily true.
One thing I’d like you to know is that when you say, “I’m going to…..” you are essentially predicting the future. We don’t really know for sure what will happen in the future so sometimes our thoughts are actually irrational in this matter.
When you find yourself struggling with an unhealthy emotion or action, take some time and write down your thoughts. Ask yourself, “Is what I’m thinking making sense?” Our goal is to find the deception and live in the truth.
Another emotion that many people struggle with is fear of being alone. The thought, “I am alone” in and of itself is a neutral thought. Many people actually like to be alone or don’t get enough alone time, but for others it’s an issue.
Let’s take the fear of being alone for example. There are many people who feel alone. The thought, “I’m alone” is a neutral thought. But if it causes fear or issues, it is a problem.
Alone to a divorced person means that they will never get married again. “I’ll always be alone.” This is a predicting the future deception.
This is a “never and always” deception. The true statement would be that you have no way of knowing if you’ll get married or not. Don’t let the enemy make you think that you’ll never get married again.
The enemy may want you to think that you are only good enough if you are married but that is deception. You are good enough whether you are married or not.
There is a tendency for people to think that,
“Other people’s love makes me more valuable”
That is a deception. It’s a lie. You are valuable whether you are loved or not. When you know who you are in Christ, you can stand on that and not be bothered whether another loves you. The fear here is that if no one loves me, then I am not worth anything. That is depression.
We have a body, soul, and mind. Romans 3:21-22 states, “But apart from the law the righteousness of God has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe.
Truth statements look like this:
“I’m somebody because God is in me. I’m good enough because God is in me.”
These thoughts will lead to peace, security, and joy. God’s truth will set us free.
If one is secure in God, it will lead to a healthy relationship with another person. If one is not secure in God and relies on others to fulfill them, it will lead to a co-dependent relationship and it will be unhealthy.
Be sure to renew your mind to become more like God. This will enable you to have more healthy thoughts, emotions, actions, as well as relationships.