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THE I WANT LIE

As we all know, every day we are faced with situations, circumstance, and people that can affect us positively or negatively.  We wrestle with emotions and I’m sure we run into people often that are overwhelmed and we would love to be able to help them.  When you want to be able to help others get through their issues and emotions, it is important to understand how our thoughts affect our emotions and actions. 

Based on the TEA (Thoughts, Emotions, Actions) philosophy, I want you to understand that our thoughts are very important and based on the thoughts that we are thinking, our emotions and ultimately, our actions will be influenced.

As we progress in our ability to help ourselves and others handle problems, the first thing that we have to do is to be able to identify any unhealthy emotions that we have.  God’s will is that we experience healthy emotions and we see in Galatians 5:23 the fruits of His life within us.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Galatians 5:23 

If we are experiencing these fruits, or qualities, then we are spiritually healthy. If we are not, we are not healthy spiritually and need to get at the root of the cause if we want change.

Today I want us to take the feeling of inadequacy as an example.  I recently met with a man who was facing despair and after I asked this man some important questions, we discovered that the root cause of his feeling of despair was a feeling of inadequacy. 

What kind of thoughts might cause one to feel inadequate?

“I’m a failure.”

“I’m not smart enough.”

“Someone else is better than me at that.”

These thoughts are not coming from God and in fact are based upon a lie.  Our goal is to get through the process of coming to terms with this and finding out what the truth is. Once we find out what God’s perspective is, we can enjoy peace.

If one is struggling with these types of unhealthy thoughts, it can lead to withdrawal from relationships, or perhaps simply giving up on certain things.  It certainly affects our behavior one way or another.

Dan was feeling despair because his wife wanted a divorce.  Dan came to me with this overwhelming feeling and he stated to me the reason he felt despair was because he wanted to be with his wife and take care of her when she was old.  Now that statement in and of itself is not a reason to feel despair. Most husbands want to be there for their wives and care for them when they are old.  But Dan’s feeling of despair came from the situation and his unhealthy thoughts.

A side note here is that when you hear people say phrases such as, “I want” or “I should”, this is a cue to delve deeper into the issue to gain insight into the lie that they may be believing. 

I asked Dan why he wanted to stay with his wife and he said, “I want to keep my commitment and not break my oath.”  I asked him why it was so important to keep his oath and he replied, “I don’t want to disappoint my in-laws.”

Here we found the lie that he was believing, in that his adequacy came from approval from his in-laws.  The unhealthy emotion of despair was based upon Dan’s feelings of inadequacy.

Dan felt that he wouldn’t be good enough.  The bigger lie here is that Dan can get validation by performing well in his marriage and by his approval from his in-laws. 

Once you’ve discovered the lie, it is time to share the good news of God’s truth.

We are made up of body, mind, and spirit.  The spirit part of us lives forever.  When Jesus died on the cross, he made a way for us to approach God and when we invite him into our lives, his Spirit fills us and we are made new.  God makes us righteous and that is a gift from God.  We don’t have to deserve it or do anything to get it.  He freely gives it to us as we receive it by faith. 

The whole reason that Dan is living in despair is because he is looking at his in-laws for validation, not God.  If God is in us, nothing else should make us feel “less than.”

In Dan’s situation, though it is a definite trial, he can still walk in righteousness and peace despite the circumstance.  He may feel sad or a little unsure, but he does not have to live in despair. 

This perspective will enhance every relationship in your life.  Knowing without a shadow of a doubt that God lives in us and makes us righteous by His presence, we can walk through all sorts of trials and tribulations with a supernatural peace, receiving our validation from Him and not others.

I encourage you to get in the habit of evaluating your emotions on a daily basis.  Take your spiritual temperature and gauge your emotions to see if they are healthy or unhealthy. If they are unhealthy, go through the process of TEA to find the truth.  Remember, thoughts affect emotions and emotions affect behavior.  Find out what God’s Word says about the situation and purpose to believe His word above all else.  As you do, you will live more and more in peace and joy.